A Eulogy for My Daddy, Tommy Mercer
It is impossible to put into words what it feels like to lose both of your parents within 3 weeks of one another. My family and I are struggling to get from day to day and process all that has happened. Many people have asked me to share the memorial that I gave at Daddy's funeral. Here it is.
What a dear, dear man…What a sweet, loving gentle man. What
a strong, tender and unselfish man.
Ernest Hemingway said “Every man's life ends the same way.
It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguishes one
man from another."
If Hemingway was correct, then what a distinguished man he
was!
A son who adored his parents…A son who made his parents
proud.
A brother…A brother who could be counted upon. A brother’s whose loyalty was never in
question.
A husband…A husband who lived by his wedding vows without
question or regret.
A father…A father who loved his children to the core of his
being.
A Grandfather…A grandfather who marveled at the
remarkableness and beauty of his grandchildren.
In Dad’s obituary, it said that he was a man among men. This
was so very true. He was a father figure
to not only his children, but to many others as well. His peers looked to his
example and, many, many times over the
years, sought him out for advice and counsel. I am sure that there are several
men in this room who, over the years, have sought out Daddy’s direction. He was universally respected. He was a man of
his word. He knew the value of hard work and the value of a dollar. While he
had little use for material goods, he loved the feeling of a job well done.
Anyone who knew my Dad, knows how he loved to ride that mower, and when he was
done, he could stand back and survey all that he had done, and know that he had
accomplished something that day.
So many of you have come to me, even before Daddy knew he
was ill, to tell me that he was their hero.
The incredible, loving care that gave Mom through her illness was
nothing short of heroic. She was never a
burden to Daddy, even as her condition continued to deteriorate day by
day. I often wondered if he would
survive it. Now I know that caring for mom was what was keeping him alive. The
most difficult day of his life was not the day he got his diagnosis, but the
day he realized that he could no longer care for mom on his own and had to
reach out for help. We stood in the hallway in the ER at Berkeley Medical
Center and cried together. He was afraid that he was letting mom down, and that
she would think he was giving up on her. I told him that we would all come up
with a plan. He was determined to take
care of her at home for as long as he could. Thank God for Dr. Funk, and her
suggestion that we look into hospice care. Our family could not be more
grateful to Hospice of the Panhandle for guiding us and showing us that we
could care for mom in the way that Daddy wanted. The cancer that was infiltrating his body was
no match for the love and devotion that Daddy had for mom and her care. He beat
back the Devil until he could lay her to rest, knowing that he had loved her
the best way he knew how.
His most proud accomplishment was his family. It is hard to
put into words exactly what it means to be a “Mercer.” I think my cousin Amy captured it perfectly
in a message she sent me after Daddy’s death.
It read in part, “…I must tell you that your whole family is an
exceptional picture of a true family. No
family is perfect, we know. But the Mercers have always loved purely and
without hesitation. Your parents support of their children somehow fostered
such a closeness that you all still live within shouting distance. And that
love that you were shown you have paid forward to your own family and the
people surrounding you. You can see it in Landon spending so much time with
your parents, Tom Jr. enveloping everyone in a bear hug, your childhood friends
that are still a part of the family that you have created. That’s how they live
forever…by being this example where people like me say “my aunt and her
family…they are amazing..let me tell you how…”
Thank you , Amy.
This family has been completely and utterly overwhelmed by
the support we have received from our relatives, friends and this extended
community. Thank you for wrapping your
loving arms around us and showing us such genuine care and compassion. What a gift! So many of you have asked how we
are doing. How are we getting through this? We are struggling. It’s true. Our
hearts are truly broken. We want to know
why? There really isn’t a good answer. But, I will say to you Tom Tom, BJ, Timmy, Lisa, Bobbie, Sophia,
Taylor, Lilly, Isabella, Olivia , Landon, Tre, Uncle Bill, Ray…THIS I KNOW…we
will LOVE each other through this…because that is what WE do. That is the
example we have been given. WE LOVE.
I would ask you all to try in your lives to live by the
example that my parents have set for us all.
Be as kind to others as you possibly can. This is the way that mom lived
every day of her life. I will ask you, over the coming months, to perform some
small random act of kindness in her memory.
Pay for the car’s behind you meal at the drive thru. In an airport tell a soldier that you are
grateful for his service and buy him breakfast , lunch or dinner. Give a kind word to a stranger on the street.
Pray for those who are in despair. I
watched mom do all of these things many
times.
Daddy was the first man I ever loved. I have been so blessed
to have so many strong and loving men in my life. My brothers, my uncles and my
adoring husband. Timmy said to me the other day, that he knew what his goal in
life was. He said his goal in life was that one day people would say that he
loved me as much as Tommy loved Tootsie. I will challenge you all to strive for
the same goal. Love one another like Tommy loved Tootsie. Whatever it is, love
each other through it. Be kind and good like Toots, and be a hero in your own life
just like Big Tom.
