A Eulogy for My Daddy, Tommy Mercer

     A Eulogy for My Daddy, Tommy Mercer

     It is impossible to put into words what it feels like to lose both of your parents within 3 weeks of one another. My family and I are struggling to get from day to day and process all that has happened.  Many people have asked me to share the memorial that I gave at Daddy's funeral. Here it is.

What a dear, dear man…What a sweet, loving gentle man. What a strong, tender and unselfish man.

Ernest Hemingway said “Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguishes one man from another."

If Hemingway was correct, then what a distinguished man he was!

A son who adored his parents…A son who made his parents proud.

A brother…A brother who could be counted upon.  A brother’s whose loyalty was never in question.

A husband…A husband who lived by his wedding vows without question or regret.

A father…A father who loved his children to the core of his being.

A Grandfather…A grandfather who marveled at the remarkableness and beauty of his grandchildren.

In Dad’s obituary, it said that he was a man among men. This was so very true.  He was a father figure to not only his children, but to many others as well. His peers looked to his example and, many, many  times over the years, sought him out for advice and counsel. I am sure that there are several men in this room who, over the years, have sought out Daddy’s direction.  He was universally respected. He was a man of his word. He knew the value of hard work and the value of a dollar. While he had little use for material goods, he loved the feeling of a job well done. Anyone who knew my Dad, knows how he loved to ride that mower, and when he was done, he could stand back and survey all that he had done, and know that he had accomplished something that day. 

So many of you have come to me, even before Daddy knew he was ill, to tell me that he was their hero.  The incredible, loving care that gave Mom through her illness was nothing short of heroic.  She was never a burden to Daddy, even as her condition continued to deteriorate day by day.  I often wondered if he would survive it. Now I know that caring for mom was what was keeping him alive. The most difficult day of his life was not the day he got his diagnosis, but the day he realized that he could no longer care for mom on his own and had to reach out for help. We stood in the hallway in the ER at Berkeley Medical Center and cried together. He was afraid that he was letting mom down, and that she would think he was giving up on her. I told him that we would all come up with a plan.  He was determined to take care of her at home for as long as he could. Thank God for Dr. Funk, and her suggestion that we look into hospice care. Our family could not be more grateful to Hospice of the Panhandle for guiding us and showing us that we could care for mom in the way that Daddy wanted.  The cancer that was infiltrating his body was no match for the love and devotion that Daddy had for mom and her care. He beat back the Devil until he could lay her to rest, knowing that he had loved her the best way he knew how. 

His most proud accomplishment was his family. It is hard to put into words exactly what it means to be a “Mercer.”  I think my cousin Amy captured it perfectly in a message she sent me after Daddy’s death.  It read in part, “…I must tell you that your whole family is an exceptional picture of a true family.  No family is perfect, we know. But the Mercers have always loved purely and without hesitation. Your parents support of their children somehow fostered such a closeness that you all still live within shouting distance. And that love that you were shown you have paid forward to your own family and the people surrounding you. You can see it in Landon spending so much time with your parents, Tom Jr. enveloping everyone in a bear hug, your childhood friends that are still a part of the family that you have created. That’s how they live forever…by being this example where people like me say “my aunt and her family…they are amazing..let me tell you how…”

Thank you , Amy. 

This family has been completely and utterly overwhelmed by the support we have received from our relatives, friends and this extended community.  Thank you for wrapping your loving arms around us and showing us such genuine care and compassion.  What a gift! So many of you have asked how we are doing. How are we getting through this? We are struggling. It’s true. Our hearts are truly broken.  We want to know why? There really isn’t a good answer. But, I will say to you  Tom Tom, BJ, Timmy, Lisa, Bobbie, Sophia, Taylor, Lilly, Isabella, Olivia , Landon, Tre, Uncle Bill, Ray…THIS I KNOW…we will LOVE each other through this…because that is what WE do. That is the example we have been given. WE LOVE.

I would ask you all to try in your lives to live by the example that my parents have set for us all.  Be as kind to others as you possibly can. This is the way that mom lived every day of her life. I will ask you, over the coming months, to perform some small random act of kindness in her memory.  Pay for the car’s behind you meal at the drive thru.  In an airport tell a soldier that you are grateful for his service and buy him breakfast , lunch or dinner.  Give a kind word to a stranger on the street. Pray for those who are in despair.  I watched mom do all of  these things many times.

Daddy was the first man I ever loved. I have been so blessed to have so many strong and loving men in my life. My brothers, my uncles and my adoring husband. Timmy said to me the other day, that he knew what his goal in life was. He said his goal in life was that one day people would say that he loved me as much as Tommy loved Tootsie. I will challenge you all to strive for the same goal. Love one another like Tommy loved Tootsie. Whatever it is, love each other through it. Be kind and good like Toots, and be a hero in your own life just like Big Tom.